Tales of the Parodyverse

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L!
Mon Dec 26, 2005 at 03:46:15 am EST
Subject
Trials & Tribulations: a STL tie-in to the current Untold Tales arc.
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9:00 am, The Parrodipolis Office of the Federal Meta-Human Resource Center, 10th Floor Conference Room. C-Class is having a meeting.

The Gang's all there & are awaiting the arrival of their trainer, G. Matthew Summers. The Group is gathered around the circular table. Betty Marsh, the Teen Avenger, is studying her FMRC manual for, like, the 11th time. Lance Jones, aka Psi-Lance, is listening to his iPod. Dreama Garner is planning out a down fall of a certain fellow member in her mind. Morty Jones, the Masked Muskrat, is shinning his Muskarang. Oswald Vannderhoosy, The Human Zamboni, is playing with some water. James Milton, aka Billy Goat, is daydreaming about his future fame & his future girlfriends: The Wooster Sisters. The Professor, Dr. Roy Hinkley, is siting at the foot of the table silently resenting the whole team. While Ben Hermes, aka Semi-Transparent Lad, is asleep in his chair. He pulled a double shift down at the Gulp 'N Go. He was into hour 2 of his sleep cycle when he was called in.

Mr. Summers entered the room in his normal nonchalant way. He was followed by Agent Holcomb, the right hand man to Mr. Garrick. "Hello!" Mr. Summers said to the group. He then stood at the head of the table with Holcomb a few feet behind him.

Oswald woke up Ben & when he realized where he was & who was their: he quickly woke up.

"I bet your all wondering why you were called in?" Mr. Summers said.

"No. Not really, Mr. Summers. At least I'm not, since I saw on the 'Net that the FMRC are being involved the Order of the Observing Eye's annual Achievement Trials for junior Heroes and/or Villains." Betty said.

"Well, yes. Thank you, Betty. That is why you were all called in." Mr. Summers said. He was going to continue speaking but was interrupted by James.

"Then, what are we doing here? The OotOE's Test is for the top notch of teams, we've not even a mid notch sort of team."

"Yes. That is true, Mr. Milton." Agent Holcomb said. "But, with having A Class put out of commission by an other worldly force & B Class being off on their own mission. Your the best we have."

"Great!" Ben said under his breath.

"So, this year's test is in Tokyo & you now what that means?" Mr. Summers said.

"ROADTRIP!" Oswald yelled as he stood up. Then, noticing that no one else followed him in this action: he got embarrassed & sat down.

"No, dipwad. Tokyo's on a whole other continent, so driving there would be stupid." James said sarcastically.

"Actually, no. The FMRC does own at least two submersible vehicles." Holcomb said.

"But, Oswald is not that far off. Taking part in this test does mean a field trip." Mr. Summers interrupted.

"Here are your passports." Agent Holcomb said as he passed them out to the group.

"I don't remember taking this photo?" was the comment from a few of the C-Classers.

"Your passport photo was taken from your ID cards." Agent Holcomb said.

Most of the C-Classer's don't remember taking that photo, either.

"We leave tomorrow at 9 am. Meet here around 8 & we'll go to the airport together. Mr. Garrick has lent us the use of his private jet. So, I'll see you tomorrow." Mr. Summers & then the group left for the day.

As soon as the last C-Classer was out of the room, Agent Holcomb turned to Mr. Summers & said "Mr. Summers. It's highly unprofessional that you address the Recruits by their first names & by their codenames."

"Sorry. I just find it's easy to call them by their first names then by their codenames. I always liked being called by my name when I was in the super hero game."

"Well, times have changed. Please & try to remember to call them their codenames during the trails. Any & all slip ups will reflect badly on Mr. Garrick." Agent Holcomb said.

"Yes, sir." Summer replied & before Holcomb left the room, he said "See you tomorrow."

"Your going too?" Summers asked.

"Yes. You didn't think Mr. Garrick would just give you his plane without any strings attached?" Holcomb said rhetorically & then left.

"No. Everything Garrick gives has strings attached." Summers thinks, turns off the lights & then leaves the room himself.

--------------


The next day, 8:15 am.

The Group is standing around on the curb in from of the FMRC building. They each had a bag or two. The only missing member was the Amazing Rando. A few minutes later, Mr. Summers came down the building steps to the group. He was followed shortly by Agent Holcomb, who appeared to be taking enough luggage for the whole team.

"Hey, Mr. Summers!" James asked.

"Yes, Ja..." Mr. Summers said. He stopped, turned slightly to see Holcomb & then continued. "Yes, Billy Goat."

"Where's Rando?" James asked. He found it a bit odd that Mr. Summers called him by his codename.

"Rando phoned me earlier this morning he said had a few Children's magic shows & a fight with the mystical Watoomba, whatever that is, that conflicted with the Trials. So, he's excused."

A nondescript Mini Van pulled up a minute or two later, the team filled in. Holcomb stopped Hinkley from getting in.

"I'm sorry. Your not coming with us." Holcomb said.

"Why? I am as good or better then any of these punks." The Professor said in his normal Holier then thou tone.

"That may be true, but your to old. The Order of the Observing Eye placed an age limit on the Trials. You exceeded it by at least a decade."

The Professor started to grumble. He even thought of blasted Holcomb down to his base atoms but decided against it: too messy & too many witnesses. Hinkley could hear James laughing from inside the van.

"Ok." Hinkley said, angrily.

"Good. We'll see you when we get back." Holcomb said as he got into the van.

Holcomb was in the passenger seat. The next row back was Garner, Marsh, Morty Jones & Summers. The back row was Hermes, Vanderhoosy, Lance Jones & Milton. As the van pulled away from the curb, one could see Hinkley start to blast various shrubbery down to it's base atoms.

Twenty Minutes later, The team was at the airport. They board the private jet & after some waiting: they were off to Tokyo.

--------------


Flying over the Pacific Ocean, The Team was now bored. In the first hour they searched the plane for all the "Cool" stuff. Now, they were just sitting around, mostly looking out the window. Ben Was catching up on some sleep. Lance was listening to his iPod, again. Oswald was playing with more water. Morty was organizing his Utility belt in order of most used items to lest. Dreama was reading a book on Merlin Solomon (A favorite subject of hers). James was again daydreaming, now about the Wooster Sisters mud wrestling. Betty was doing some research on her Laptop.

James stopped daydreaming & asked Betty a question "What are you doing?"

"Looking at the dossiers of our opponents from the OotOE's site."

"So, where in a spy movie now?"

"No. I just like to know who we've going against."

"Like who?"

"The Lair Legion Junior, The New Battlers, Young Heckfire, The All-New X-Students, The Giant Robot Six, The Wonder-Friends, The Belgian Wafflettes & The Fey Boys."

"And us, the Losers."

"We're not Losers! We're just... new. So, we haven't be around as long as the Battlers or the X-Students, but I'd say we've on par with the LL Juniors."

"yeah. Losers."

"They're the next generation of Legionaries! They were hand picked by the Team, so they must be good."

"Then why are they trained by a Loser."

"Visionary isn't a Loser!"

Seeing this wasn't going anywhere, James stopped talking to her & she went back studying.

"Speaking of our upcoming trials, I've some work packets for you all." Holcomb said. He then began to hand them out.

The group groined. Holcomb shot a look at Summers.

Summers getting the message said "Now, Guys! We need to be prepared for whatever get thrown at us."

"I hope not literally." Oswald said. A few people laughed.

--------------


After a few minutes of looking over the packet, James posed a question: "Does anyone else think that these question make it sound like your a sidekick & not a hero?"

A few nodded their heads.

"It may seem that way, Mr. Milton. But, these work packets are for all Meta-Human support members." Agent Holcomb said.

"Still sounds like we're Sidekicks. I know some of us will end up being the sidekicks to some heroes, but shouldn't that be decided at the end of Training?"

"Wait a minute! Who do you think are the future Sidekicks in the group?" Betty asked.

"Well, the one's who aren't Hero material." James said smugly.

"Like who?" Oswald asked, partly fearing the answer.

"Well! You for example, Frosty. Here's how I see it. There is only a few possible heroes in this group: Me, Roy, maybe Dreama & maybe Morty."

"Why do you think that?" Betty asked, slightly ticked because James didn't think her Hero material.

"The rest of you all need the help of a hero to function."

"Why am I a maybe?" Dreama asked. She was trying to keep out of the pointless discussion but she was mentioned.

"Well, my dear Goth girl. I haven't seen what you can really do hence your a maybe."

"And I?" Morty asked.

"You could be a Hero if you weren't a loser." James said smugly.

This comment stopped the conversation. Holcomb found some of the comments very interesting, he may have underestimated some of them.

--------------


Sometime later, Agent Holcomb came over to Betty & asked. "Miss Marsh, you do know that you can't bring your Laptop with you to the Trials?"

"Why?"

"Because certain members from other teams make try to hack in & get info on you to use later."

"You mean like The Legion's Hacker 9 & Heckfire's Blatant Genius?"

"Yes. I'm going to have to confiscate it from you before he leave the plane."

"Yes, Mister Holcomb. What are you want." Betty said, a bit terrified.

As he walked back to his seat, Betty went about installing that protection she had gotten from an online friend named Zack.

--------------


Many hours & a few time zones later, The C-Class lands in Tokyo. They get their bags & are lead over to a massive Militaristic vehicle.

"What is it?" Oswald asked.

"This is a Turrets Industries Type Two Columbus-Class All Terrain Armored Anti-Terror Vehicle & it's how were going to arrive at the Trials." Holcomb said.

"ok." Oswald replied weakly. He's always been scared of Agent Holcomb.

A side panel hissed open & the group climbed inside. Once all were in, the panel slammed shut & they were off. The Vechile wasn't all that well suited for city driving since it didn't have many windows & everyone couple minutes, the team heard Agent Holcomb say "It's ok, the FMRC will pay for that." after they hit what they thought were bumps.

Holcomb asked the driver: "Do you know where were going?"

"No" was the reply & Ben, being the closest to the front, was handed a map by Holcomb & told "We're looking for the Shinjuku Park Hyatt Hotel, find it for me."

Ben didn't say anything & opened the map. Of course, it was in Japanese & Ben doesn't read Japanese. With the help from a few other, they found the Hotel (after an hour of being lost & a few other misdirections). The vechile came to a jolting stop, the side panel hissed open & the team piled out. James hit Ben on the back of head. "Nice driving, Columbus."

The Team, along with Mr. Summers & Agent Holcomb, made their way over to a bald monk. Just before that, another group leaves & goes elsewhere.

“I am Goombar, of the Observing Eye,” He said, bowing low. “I am here to welcome you to the trials, and to instruct you on protocol.”

"Good." Holcomb said.

"Which one of you gentlemen are these young people's tutor?" Goombar asked.

"I am." Mr. Summers said.

"Excellent." He said, then turned to Holcomb "And you are?"

"I am here on behalf of Mr. Garrick."

"Yes, we know of Mr. Garrick's activities. But, we can only let one of you go with the children during the trials."

"Why?" Holcomb asks. He was not told of this.

"It is our ways. Do not question them."

"I guess Summers will go with them since he is the Group's trainer." Holcomb said.

"Excellent. Mr. Holcomb you can stay & watch the trials, if you want."

"Sure, whatever." Holcomb says & walks away.

C-Class walks in to the Hotel.

As they do, Oswald wonders "What's going to happen to the Car?"

"The Porter will deal with it." Betty says.

"Is that like a Parking lot attendant?" Oswald asked. He'd had never heard the word before.

"Sort of. A Porter is a uniformed hotel staff who open doors, carry bags, park cars for the guests, etc."

"So, a Bellboy/Doorman/Parking Lot Attendant?"

"Yes. But, they expect a higher tip for their services."

"oh."

--------------


The Group got checked in: Betty & Dreama, being the only girls, got a room by themselves. Morty, Lance & James were in a room together, Ben & Oswald were in the other room. Summers got a room for himself & Holcomb.

Once in his room, Summers was briefed on how things were going to work during this trip by Holcomb.

"I'm going to stay up here in the room & relay messages to you which you will then relay to the team."

"Ok. How?"

"You'll see." Holcomb said with an evil smile. That quickly left & then Holcomb asked: "Where are the Recruits now?"

"Mingling." Summers replied as he started to unpack.

"Unattended?"

"I guess so."

--------------


Down in the main lobby where most of the soon-to-be combatants were mingling. Some of the Trainers' were also their.

"Dude! Look that chick is almost naked!" James said as he jabbed his elbow in the Ben's side.

He rubbed it as James pointed over to Anna Salem, the White Empress of the Knights of Heckfire, in all her busty glory. She could sense James' immaturity from across the room. As Ben looked & James ogled the trainer, Betty slapped James in the back of his head.

"Hey! What's that for?" He asked.

"That's one of the Trainers."

"Ok. Dude! Look that Trainer is almost naked. Happy now?" James said sarcastically. "Man, I'd love to be taught by her. Why can't the FMRC have trainer's like her?"

"That'll never happen." Betty retorted.

"Why?" James said as he continued to fantasize about what Extra Credit would be like.

"One: The FMRC has a dress code & she's never stoop down to our level. Two: You could never get on her team, Your not rich enough & Three: She not your type. She may look it, but she's not."

"How do you know my type?"

"I've seen the girls you bring home."

That comment puzzled Ben.

Betty turned to him & said "We live in the same apartment building, ok?"

That was fine with Ben.

"It's at least once or twice a week James is bringing back the Bimbo of moment. From the looks of her, James gets them drunk before having his way."

"Hey!" James said offended. Not all the girls he brings back to Casa Della Milton are drunk, just most of them.

Changing the subject, Ben asked "Where's the rest of our crew?"

"Dreama's up in the room. I bet doing something spooky." Betty said.

"Last I saw Oswald was trying to chat up a sweet young thing & failing. Lance wanted some alone time, so he could listen to his music & Morty... Hmm... I don't know what the Dork Knight is doing." James said.

--------------


Morty Jones, The Masked Muskrat, was standing the all concealing shadows of one of the Hotel's corners. He was doing some detective work.

--------------


Hours later at the Order of the Observing Eye's Pre-Trial Formal Dance, Oswald & Ben were standing by one of the Ballroom's walls.

"I'm convinced that these Observing Eye guys are Evil!" Oswald said to Ben.

"Why? I bet it's that they all look similar, have bald heads & speak in that creepy monotone!"

"No. The night before we fight for our lives, they have a dance!"

"oh."

Ben scanned the room for people he knew. James was trying to lay his charm on two cute Asian twins in Lavender and/or pale Yellow. Dreama was seating near a wall, across the room, reading a book. Morty was standing in the almost all consuming shadows. The only C-Classer that was actually dancing was Betty, which didn't surprise Ben.

Ben left the swaying slightly to the music Oswald to see what the Eye had set out for refreshments. He was going down the table, finding nothing that he really wants to eat (at this moment) & He almost bumps in another person, but doesn't. “Hi,” He said. He also was eying those drumsticks. They sort of looked good.

“Hey,” The guy answered. Ben thinks it's Ham-Boy, it's sort of hard to tell. Ben had only seen him in a few grainy pictures, but never in person.

Ben guesses HB recognizes him (which is sort of odd since they've never meet before) “So, you’re one of those FMRC people?” He asks.

“Yeah. And you’re Legion?” Ben asks.

“Yep.” He says.

Ben replies Ok & then stands their with nothing to say.

 “Okay.” was HB's reply & he also had nothing to say.

So, they just stood there. A few minutes go by & then Ben asks if HB would like any Cocktail Weenies, HB declined & said he could make his own if he wanted, too. Then, came more awkward silence & Ben was beginning to agree that the Eye were Evil.

After 10 minutes of silence, ben decides to say something:  “All seems to be going pretty well, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah,” HB agreed “Pretty well.”

This started more silence until one of Xalter’s Kids came over to refresh his glass. He had a steel visor over his forehead and a name tag that identified him as being called "Redeye". He eyed the punchbowl uncertainly & then them. “This hasn’t been spiked, has it?” He asked the two.

“I don’t think so.” Ben said.

“Don’t look at me,” Ham-Boy replied. “All I could spike it with is sausages.”

Ben wasn't sure if he was trying to be funny or not. But, a fellow team member of Redeye's sure thought it was funny.

“Sausages!” The girl, whose nametag identified her as "Wisp", giggled uncontrollably and blushed deeply until another Xalter member, Flaming Resurrection Girl, led her away to breathe into a paper bag.

“I guess them might have been spiked,” Ben said.

Redeye took some punch & from what Ben could tell: He scowled at the two as he walked off.

The rest of the night was like that. Ben stayed at the Dance for a few more minutes & then left to go to bed.

--------------


The Next morning, all the teams were gathered together in the Lobby.

“We’ll be monitoring for danger. Simply say that you yield and you’ll be removed from the contest.” Goomtor said. Ben wasn't sure if it was the same Goomtor from before because all the OotOE members looked alike to him.

Then, The Legion members were going on about something. Ben wasn't paying attention.

A few minutes later, Goomtor finished his proclamation. “And so, let the seven hundred and thirteenth Earth trial begin!”

The teleportation energies suffused the teams and shifted them to the battlefield & just before C-Class was transports away from the Lobby, Ben sure wishes he had stayed in bed that morning.

TO BE CONTINUED....

--------------


For reference purposes, The Federal Meta-Human's Resource Center (FMRC) C-Class members are:

- Teen Avenger (Betty Marsh)
- Billy Goat (James Milton)
- The Human Zamboni (Oswald Vanderhoosey)
- Psi-Lance (Lance Jones)
- Dreama Garner
- The Masked Muskrat (Mortimer "Morty" Jones)
- Semi-Transparent Lad (Ben Hermes)
- The Professor (Dr. Roy Hinkley)
- The Amazing Rando

With their Trainer: G. Matthew Summers & Special Guest: Agent Ruben Holcomb.


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